Saturday, April 16, 2005

Some of my closest friends asked me a question yesterday, here is my response to it.

What an amazing question "what does a dad feel when he looks at his child"?

It's not a hard question to answer just one that is hard to describe. I sincerely hope that all of you get to experience it in your life. When Nathan was born all covered in amniotic fluid and smelling pretty funky, he was all bloody, red from crying, his hands and feet were grey and I looked at him...and I cried. Despite all of those things, unattractive things he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in the world. For a split second I had a rush of panic; the baby I knew only from seeing him in Heather's belly was here and I was supposed to know him, but I didn't.

We moved to the nursery with Nathan and I was there. I would put my hand on his chest and I knew he remembered my voice and he knew that my hand was one of love. As the days went on I realized that this baby I was supposed to know I really did know because he was my son, the strongest bond on the planet; Parent to Child.

Now when I hold Nathan I experience such a myriad of emotions. Sometimes I just look at him and wonder how someone as messed up like me could have made something so wonderful. I look at him with love that is as unconditional as any love I can fathom...on this planet anyway. I wonder when he'll take his first step, say his first word, go to school, kiss a girl, get married and start a family all of his own. Sometimes I'm afraid because of the big ugly world we live in. I have to teach him to be in the world but not teach him to run from it. I have to teach him to do what is right. I have to teach him about Christ and a relationship with him. I have to teach him to love others and serve others.

It's the most wonderful experience in the world!

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